I remember when I had my second child I was told it would be easier. And it was. I was more comfortable as a parent. I felt more confident with my decisions. Becoming a mom with my daughter was a delight and a blessing. I soaked up the moments and was grateful to discover that this - THIS - was what God had in store for me. Yet with the second time around, when I had my son, there was an ease not there before. What a gift.
And time went by...
They said it would be easier the second time around...
When it was getting close to D's senior year people told me it would be easier. And they were wrong. Well, they were mostly wrong. They said it would be easier since I'd been through it already with T. And it was easier in that I knew what to expect and what to prep for his graduation and heading off to college. However, emotionally it wasn't any easier at all.
My only son graduated in June. It was a happy time. And yet I felt that tug at my heart. I sat down to try and write what I felt, but I couldn't.
My only son went away for the first year of his college career in August. It was a happy time. And yet I felt that tug at my heart. And the tears flowed. I sat down to try and write what I felt, but I couldn't.
My only son turned 18 in September. It was a happy time - a wonderful milestone. And yet I felt that tug at my heart. I sat down to try and write what I felt, but I couldn't.
He called me yesterday to talk about his college major. When I hung up the phone, I reflected on this last year with him. I've observed him mature and grow and really start to settle in and discover who he is. I look at him and see a young man, no longer a child, thinking things through, making responsible choices, and having fun. I'm looking forward to watching him continue to spread his wings and I pray that he makes far more right decisions than wrong ones as he moves along the path in front of him.
Yet there is still that tugging at my heart. That sense of loss as I see him gaining so much independence. I know that is how it is supposed to be. And, although this is my second time around this block, it doesn't make it any easier.
Sometimes the second time around is easier and sometimes it is the same and sometimes, I daresay, it may be more difficult. Yet the second time around is always a blessing and gift. My role as a momma is changing and I feel that more than ever this second time around sending a child off to college. However, there is great peace in reflecting back on where I have been and great hope in what is in store for me. And this second child of mine, who fills my heart with such joy and love, makes seconds something I wouldn't miss for anything.
