More Time

 I wish I spent more time with her.

I'm part of the funeral ministry at my parish. When a loved one passes away, the family can have someone from the parish come to the funeral home and lead a rosary or scripture service. When my mom passed away, it was a comfort to hand that over to someone else. We wanted to pray together. We needed to pray together. But none of us wanted to lead the prayers. It wasn't long after that when the Holy Spirit nudged me. I volunteered to help others during this part of their grieving. 

 I wish I spent more time with her.

There is a time during the service when people can share stories about their loved ones. Occasionally, no one will speak. Usually, a few people will share their broken hearts. On a rare occasion, many will come up and share memories that elicit both laughter and tears.

 I wish I spent more time with her.

The last service I led, so many people spoke. This family laughed together. Loved together. Sang together. They shared memories of special moments around the bonfires at their grandma's nearly every time they visited. This woman was loved. She made her family feel loved. How do I know? They said it. So many spoke about how special she made them feel. How she always heard them; how she truly listened to and cared about what was on their hearts.

 I wish I spent more time with her.

A grandson spoke. He was the first to speak. Late 20s. Married. His sharing focused on fire. How fire would always remind him of his grandma. The bonfires they sat around so often with her and the love he felt around them. Her interest in his life. Her joy. How glad he was to be at the bonfire at her house the day before she passed away. The last thing he said before sitting down was, "I wish I spent more time with her."

 I wish I spent more time with her.

 I wish I spent more time with her.

 I wish I spent more time with her.

What are we waiting for? Our lives are so busy. We have so many things vying for our time. They are so important, aren't they? 

 I wish I spent more time with her.

I'm reminded of my mom. She cared. Her connection and interest in the lives of those whom she loved was palpable and rather rare in so many relationships today. I thought I spent enough time with her when she was alive, but when she was no long longer here I wanted more. Why did I squander my time with her? Am I squandering my time with you?

 I wish I spent more time with her.

What are we waiting for? Our lives are so busy. We have so many things vying for our time. They are so important, aren't they? Or are they?

 I wish I spent more time with her.

This funeral prayer service changed me. I drove home with that young man's words echoing in my soul. I don't want to ever feel that way, although I daresay that I probably will. However, I will make a conscious effort to live and love differently.

The people in our lives are a gift. They are gifts. Do they know that? Do they feel that? 

I want to live my life in a way that I don't say "I wish I spent more time with..." 

I wonder what life would be like if we all lived that way.

Snapshots in Time

Snapshots in Time.

"I love pictures, because the best thing about them is that they never change...even when the people in them do."

A friend had this posted on Facebook and the quote had my mind drifting to all kinds of places.

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of my children.  When I look at pictures of them as infants and toddlers I am transported back to that time.  Even though the children continue to grow up and change, those moments are forever captured.  Time stands still and I can go back there whenever I would like to stroll down memory lane. I love photos of my children. They remind me of the gift and wonder of being a mom.

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of my siblings.  Growing up as the youngest of eight filled life with many challenges and blessings.  Memories of my youth are filled with laughter.  As we have grown and started families of our own and had life experiences away from each other, our relationships have transitioned.  Some bonds have grown stronger and some have become strained.  I love photos of my youth.  They remind me of the sweet family connections we had during a simpler time.

 

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of those snapshots that live only in my mind.  One particular picture in my mind is of my husband when he was roughhousing outside with the kids in the snow. The smiles. The laughter. The moment. The sheer exuberance on the faces of my husband and my children is frozen in my mind in the best possible way. There are only a handful of these gem snapshots that I can see only when I close my eyes. I love these photos of my reflections.  They remind me of those precious moments that are seared into my memory in a way little else is.

 

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of slideshows.  I started playing around with creating slideshows from photographs in the early 2000s.  For my parent's 50th wedding anniversary in 2004, I created my first full slideshow.  Stitching together photo after photo tells a story - of a person, of a family, of a life. I love the photos in a slideshow. They remind me that life is made up of moments and that together they can tell a beautiful tale.

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of photography.  How I see things through the lens of the camera.  What I learn from what other people see through their lenses.  Is it the close up of a face, someone laughing, someone crying?  Is it a moment when a wife and husband become a mom and dad?  Is it love? Is it a child smiling for the first time?  What does the person see who is taking the picture and what does the person see who is looking at the picture? I love photography.  It reminds me how we all view things differently depending on how we look at something and how we see it.

Snapshots in Time.

I do love pictures. I love what they can capture. I love how a picture can speak volumes to you although it cannot say anything at all.  Pictures evoke feelings and for that I am eternally grateful. I look at photographs and feel sadness at what has been lost.  I feel joy at what has been.  I feel hope at what can be.  I feel blessed at what is.  Pictures are fabulous gifts to us. Keep snapping.  Keep smiling.  As Paul Anka so apply sings, "These Are The Times of Your Life." Embrace them. Live them. Remember them.


Paul Anka:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCnlU-92sn4
 

Slippery Sand

My oldest daughter will be coming home for her summer break after her first year away at college in about 2 1/2 weeks. How do I feel about that? Surprisingly, I feel a tad bit distraught.

You weren't expecting that, were you? Neither was I. Throughout the year whenever she would come home on break I would be filled with excitement. Hugs. Cuddles. Smiles. All three kiddos. All right there under my roof. Why the trepidation as her first college year comes to a close? I'll tell you...

About a week ago I was thinking about T coming home for the summer. It wouldn't just be a weekend visit or even a week. I would have her back home for 3 months. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Yes! Yes! Yes! Ummm. Wait...

As I was standing in the kitchen thinking about these wonderful months ahead when all the kiddos would be home a realization swept over me - the realization of how fleeting time actually is in this world of ours.

Think back to the moments you have had in life when you realized how quickly the sands of time have slipped through your fingers. Maybe it is looking at how quickly a vacation came to an end. Maybe it is seeing your child's face and no longer seeing those sweet chubby toddler features and then blinking and seeing a young adult in front of you. Maybe it is returning to your high school or college to span the faces and realize how far you've grown and changed from those days. So many moments in our lives when we stop and truly FEEL how time has gone by and we have barely noticed.

So, there I was in the kitchen feeling the excitement of T coming home from her first year of college. And then it hit me. She was finishing her first year of college. The specks of sand that made up that year of her life have now been swept out to sea. It went so quickly. It went so very fast.

In that moment I grasped the sands of time within my hands and just stopped to contemplate.

I dared to glance ahead in that moment and think about the future. Just three more years of college for her. Possibly a semester or longer studying abroad. Then the search for a job that may take her far away. When will this house no longer be her primary home? How quickly will the time come when I am looking forward to her visiting this house rather than living in this house?

I challenged myself to think about my son who is now looking at colleges and will be heading out for his first year college experience soon enough. Two of the joys of my heart will be spending more time under another roof than this one.

I thought about sitting at the dinner table with our youngest each night. How empty the table will feel.

Yet that sand is slippery and, although I grasped it tightly, it slid through my fingers and in that moment my excitement was gone and I was feeling a bit distraught. Being a mother and having my house filled with children is by far one of the greatest joys and blessings in my life. Whenever something I love comes to an end there is always some melancholy. However, the feeling of melancholy is usually fleeting.

As a parent, I know that part of my role is to raise my children to be strong, faithful, independent, and caring. Because of that, my feelings of distraught are washing away. I am hopeful. I will cherish the moments that we have together now. I will celebrate the milestones of my children as they continue to grow and mature. I will rejoice in their uniqueness and their journeys.

I choose to sit and delight in the sand as it slips through my fingers. It is sunkissed by the love of my children, my husband, my family, and friends. The warmth of the sand and the sound of the waves bring me comfort and peace. The tides are ever changing, the landscape is shifting and moving, yet I look around and remember the beauty of yesterday, give thanks for the wonder of today, and wait in anticipation for the blessings of the future. The view may be changing, but the beauty around me remains.

Turn Around

     Remember when summer felt like it lasted forever? School would get out in June and the days of summer were spread out ahead of you like a long, lazy, meandering stream just waiting to be discovered and explored. Remember when you would count the days down to Christmas and it just felt like it would never get here? When would it arrive? When would we finally be able to celebrate?  Remember decorating for the holidays and being able to soak up the excitement of each one - individually? Remember riding your bike and feeling the wind on your face - nowhere to go and no rush to get back home?

     When was it, exactly, when time began to speed up? I'm reminded of the song Turn Around. "Turn around and you're two. Turn around and you're four." Only it doesn't just feel like the years are slipping by; sometimes it feels like they are being squished together. I think it began slowly, but now it is like a mad house of mirrors where everywhere you turn there is something new rushing at you.

 
     As a child, I would get out of school for the summer and have three full months in front of me. Three full months to imagine and dream, run and play. The neighborhood kids would get together and play Hide and Seek. "Olly, Olly, Oxen Free" would be heard up and down the street. Cans would be kicked. Baseball would be played. The days slowly rolled by.

     My kiddos get out of school in mid June and go back right after Labor Day. Up until two years ago, however, they would be back at school the end of August. Where was their summer? Where was their leisure? School sports are going through the entire summer and practices and games begin before school starts. The middle of the hour glass seems to be expanding - a bit like my waistline - and the particles of sand are slipping by more quickly.

     Growing up, retailers trying to get ahead of the game began advertising Back to School sales earlier and earlier in August. The paper would come and we would groan seeing the supplies prominently displayed on the sale page. Our wonderful days of summer were coming to a close. Now, my kiddos are barely out of school for two weeks and the stores have the Back to School section stocked and ready to go. And, goodness gracious, don't you dare wait until the end of August, because there will be very slim picking indeed!

     When my oldest was a toddler I recall when we were into the start of July and a growth spurt had left her with sandals that were not fitting those sweet little feet. Off to the store we went to find a pair of... fur lined boots? What was going on?

     Of course, we cannot forget the holiday scramble. Each store wants to be the first to have the products out and the decorations up. In order to do that they keep pushing it up another week, another week until they are months before the actual holiday! One of my favorite radio stations began playing Christmas music before Halloween this year! My other favorite radio station started in mid-November. Are you kidding me? It was time to celebrate Halloween, enjoy All Saints Day, remember the departed on All Souls Day. Thanksgiving is ahead of me. It is a time when I am supposed to reflect on my year and give thanks for all the blessings I have received. However, that is more and more difficult to do when the television and radio are bombarding me with Christmas music and messages!

     Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. STOP!

      I'm tired of turning and spinning by someone else's timetable. Of course, time goes by. This is not a static world. But I want to get back to a slower paced lifestyle, one that cherishes the idea of family, one that celebrates the moments. It will be a difficult task, I realize.  And there may be times when I fall short because, well, because the busyness of life will sometimes get the best of me. However, I'm going to make that effort to clear my calendar and refocus on the things that really matter. When I do turn around, I want to remember the moments of laughter and love.  I want to turn around and remember time well spent whether it was sitting and reading outside with the sun on my face and a breeze rustling in the leaves or if it is the crazy commotion of a family gathering where everyone is loud with laughter and filled with food.

     I am taking a stand. I refuse to be pushed through time and have the seasons and holidays and weeks pushed together into a blur. I am taking each moment as it comes. I am going to relish it. I am going to be grateful for the joys and the challenges. I am going to look to each day and be thankful for what it brings me. Tomorrow will be here soon enough. Turn around. The day is before you. Soak it in.

"Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each."     Henry David Thoreau

Turn Around