Hate the sin. Love the sinner.

This blog is NOT about those who are on the far ends of the spectrum when it comes to their beliefs and demonstrate their beliefs in harsh, severe, and crippling ways.  We all know people like that.

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner. 

That's it.  Seems simple, doesn't it?  Actually, it is anything but simple.

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner. 

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner.  This does not mean keep silent.  

Phil Robertson, from "Duck Dynasty" spoke out in an article about his beliefs on sin and quoted part of the Bible.  Because of what he said, the network his show is on decided to suspend him indefinitely from filming.  His beliefs on sin, although maybe not eloquently worded or fully explaining teachings in a clear manner, are his beliefs and are shared by many.  He also went on to speak about how he tries to live.  "My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner.

That is what Phil Robertson tries to do.  That is what I try to do.  This does not mean keep silent.

There are all kinds of things in life that we speak out on, because it would cause harm to someone if we did not.  Simple examples have to do with children:  touching a hot stove, running out into the street.  Kiddos want to do so many things and have no idea the repercussions of their actions.  It is our job to try to teach these little ones and keep them on a safe path. 

I submit that it is the same, or should be the same, with adults.  Although, I readily admit that the water gets murkier with adults.  People want to be happy.  People want those they love to be happy.  People want to be tolerant.  People don't want to be judged.  People don't want their choices questioned. 

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner.

So it gets tricky.  We need to speak from a place of love.  We need to try to meet people where they are, plant those little mustard seeds, and pray that they take root. 

 

 

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner.

That's it.  Seems simple, doesn't it?  Actually, it is anything but simple.  However, it is what we are called to do and so it is worth striving for.


"My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted. "  Galatians 6:1

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

Stroke Lessons

Patience. Tolerance. Understanding. Empathy. Compassion. I have never quite felt the need for these qualities more than I have needed them throughout these last four weeks.

Before the sun was up one morning my telephone rang and my dad was on the other end of the line. "Can you come over?" he asked. There was something in his voice that I'm not used to hearing. Fear. A bit of fear had crept into my father's voice. "I'm on my way."

My mother suffered a minor stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. My mom suffered a minor stroke. I remember when the doctor said "stroke" my father and I just looked at each other. "She had a stroke?" Yes. That word is still sinking in four weeks later.

Emotions. Exhaustion. Confusion. Worry. I have never quite felt the draining power of these qualities more than I have throughout these last four weeks.

We have a large, complicated, beautiful family. My mom carried six children and then, when her sister passed away and her brother-in-law followed a year and a half later, my folks took in two of their eight children.  So, what we have is my dad dealing with this change in his wife of 58 years and eight children with thoughts and ideas and feelings coursing through their minds.  How do we deal with this? How do we deal with each other?

My mom loves. She loves her husband. She loves her children. She loves her friends. She loves the staff who helped her at the hospital. She would learn a person's name even if they were doing just one test on her. She hugged her therapists. She exchanged addresses with her roommate. The therapists told her that they wanted her to come back and walk down the hall to see them all when she gets stronger. She loves.

All you need to do in a circumstance like this is to remember that when a woman loves the way my mom loves it is only natural that people will love her back. And when a woman you love suffers a stroke it shakes you -- maybe a little, maybe a lot -- but, it shakes you.  When you are shaken it is so important to have patience, tolerance, understanding, empathy, and compassion.

That was what I needed to do while my mom was in the hospital.  When something would happen I would try to remember this.  When someone would suggest something or ask something or do something, I reminded myself that it came from love.  That helped me to respond in a kind and loving way, I hope.

I tend to be a little quieter and slower in my reactions. I wasn't always like this, but over the years I've come to realize that if I have the ability to let something soak into me a bit before I respond that the outcome is generally more positive. Everyone's emotions were raw. Everyone was exhuasted. Everyone was confused. Everyone was worried. And that is precisely why I needed patience, tolerance, understanding, empathy, and compassion.

I don't know how many times I heard someone say, "Don't they know better?" or "They should have known..."  Why? Why do we expect people to know certain things? Why do we assume that people know the "right" thing to do or the "right" thing to say?  Not everyone does know better.  Because of this, it is so important to try to talk to people with kindness and love. Give them the benefit of the doubt and trust that they are coming from a good place of wanting to help and wanting to make things better. 

People have different ideas about how to handle situations. Sometimes a different idea is just that. Different. Sometimes there is a right way and a wrong way.  Sometimes there is a better way and a not-so-great way.  Sometimes there is just a different way.  Stop.  Listen to each other.  Does something have to be done "your" way?  Let's talk about it.  Let's hear each other.  Let's remember that we are all coming from a place of love and concern.  Be open. 

We all want the best for my mom and we are all going through so many emotions.  Because people react differently to stress it is so very important to remember that everyone is hurting and coming from a place of great love for this woman.

When you give someone the benefit of the doubt it is very freeing.  Why do I do and say the things I say during this difficult time?  Because I love my mom.  Why do I think others do and say the things they do and say?  Out of love for my mom.  So, if that is the case, we should approach each other knowing that we all want the best for her, want to do the best, want to say the best things.  We may not agree with everything, but when you know someone is coming from a place of love doesn't that change the way you interact with them?

These four weeks have been challenging for so many reasons.  Yet these four weeks have brought many blessings as well.  One of these blessings has been bringing into focus the importance of how we interact with people, whether it is just for a moment, a day, or a lifetime.  This part of my journey, the journey of my mom's recovery, is just beginning. We still have a long way to go. I hope it is a time of drawing our family together and strengthening our bonds.

I have never felt the power of these qualities more than I have these last four weeks and so I tell myself: Be patient.  Be tolerant.  Be understanding.  Be empathetic.  Be compassionate. 


"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience, forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And over all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."  Colossians 3:12-13

Opinions

The election results are in and we are looking at four more years of Barack Obama in the White House. I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm worried for our future. However, this election season, like most, has left a bad taste in my mouth and a sinking feeling in my gut. We are people made up of varying beliefs and thoughts, ideas and opinions. Over and over again I have seen people trample on another because they believe something different than you. Why?

Does is make you feel better to slam what someone else believes? Does it make you feel more intellegent when you try to make someone else feel stupid? Does it make you feel stronger when you try to make someone else feel weak? Are we becoming more and more a people of tunnel vision, walking around only seeing what is in front of us and not opening our minds and our eyes to what else is out there?

Having a lot of Irish blood running through my veins, you could say that I come from a fairly stubborn stock of people. Growing up, I thought what I thought because I thought it. Why? Didn't really matter if I understood it. If I thought it, it must be so. Women were surely as strong as men. Abortion was a choice (not one that I could make, but how could I tell someone else what to do with their body?). Humility was weakness. Religion was important. As long as you weren't hurting anyone you were ok. Family was important. Birth control? What's the question there? Why wouldn't you use birth control?  Oh, I just believed so many things. Did I understand everything? No. But I would dig my heels in for what I believed even without fully getting it.

As I got older, I began to soften a bit. Why did I believe what I believed? What was the other side? Was there something I didn't know? I opened up and began to listen. I learned that I still had an awful lot to learn. There were so many angles to go at different topics. What did I think about this or that? Why did I believe what I believed? Why did others believe what they did? As I journeyed along many of my beliefs began to change and many of them became stronger. There was power in getting both sides of an issue.

When you are open to hearing what others have to say, learning what they believe and why they believe it, there can be understanding. You may or may not accept what they believe, but there can be understanding. When you research something you don't fully comprehend it will either strengthen what you believe and give you a stronger foundation for what you think or it may cause you to step back and re-evaluate your thought process on a topic. What's so bad about that?

And then, of course, there is the delivery. How do you share your thoughts and opinions with others? Do you bulldoze them? Do you make sweeping generalizations? Are you pithy? Are you so rigid and stubborn that there isn't room for dialogue? Where is that going to get you?

Were you ever where they are? Did you ever believe what they believe? Did you ever change your mind on a topic? Meet people where they are with kindness and openness. Share your opinion.  Plant seeds. Give them what they need to make them curious and be inviting enough so that they can ask you questions.

Listen to their opinion. Why do they believe what they do? Hear what they are saying (I want you to listen AND hear).  Maybe it is you who has to learn and be open and change. Maybe it is you who needs to transform what you believe and think on a topic. You won't know if you are closed off to the message.

People are going to think differently than you and believe different things than you. You can either close yourself off or be open to the reasoning behind people's thoughts.  Learning why people feel a certain way and sharing why you feel a certain way allows understanding and tolerance. When you are searching out a pithy comment or seeking a real dig that comes at someone's expense then no one wins.

It would be really wonderful if, because of the nastiness of this election process, we learned how we do not want to interact with one another. It would be really wonderful if we decided to meet each other with kindness and thoughtfulness. It would be really wonderful if we learned from each other. It would be really wonderful if we lifted each other up instead of tearing each other down. Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful?


Do more than exist, LIVE.
Do more than touch, FEEL.
Do more than look, OBSERVE.
Do more than read, ABSORB.
Do more than hear, LISTEN.
Do more than listen, UNDERSTAND.
Do more than think, PONDER.
Do more than talk, SAY SOMETHING.
-John H. Rhoades