College Reminiscings

Each year I go to the Michigan State University homecoming football game.  It is a day I look forward to with great anticipation.  Three friends and I meet in the morning, we enjoy some tailgating, watch the game, and often spend the night.  Two of my friends are ones with whom I attended college.  Because we are spread out across the state, this is an opportunity for us to catch up on our lives and we truly delight in our time together.  Personally, I also glory in my time back on that beautiful campus that is so beloved to my heart.

This year, more than any other, on the drive home I found myself thinking of the why.  Why do I love that campus so much?  Why after 20 plus years does the sight of Hubbard Hall as I drive down Hagadorn Road still make my heart rate increase?  Why do the sights and sounds of the campus still make me feel such love? I feel love on that campus.

This year, more than any other, on the drive home I found myself thinking of the what.  What is it about being here and the memory of my time on this campus that fills me with such joy?  What is it about walking along the Red Cedar River that fills my heart with such peace?  I'm home.  Part of me will always feel at home there.

Five magical years were spent on that campus. Yes. Magical.  They were magical and special and like no other years before or after.  I grew up on that campus.  I floundered on that campus.  I stumbled on that campus -- literally and figuratively.  I began to discover who I was on that campus.

As I drove home this year, I found myself reflecting in a new way about my time as a student at MSU, the relationships that formed, and the experiences that I had. What made these years so special?  What made them so magical?  What made these friendships last through the years when we often don't see each other but that one time each year?  The answer I came up with may surprise you.  Or maybe it won't.  I don't know.  Maybe you can share your own thoughts with me later...

Anyway, my answer is innocence.  We shared deeply and we loved deeply.  How many evenings turned into mornings as we talked and talked and talked?  We shared the dreams and sorrows of our hearts.  We loved to the core of our beings.  Our crushes lifted us to the highest of heights and our heartbreaks fully shattered our young hearts.  There was an innocence and beauty to this time in our lives that, I believe, we get to capture just a little bit for one day each year when we get together for that football game.

As we got older and learned more and had gained further life experience, our perspectives changed, our responsibilities changed, and some of our innocence was stripped away by the harshness of life. And that is precisely why this day with these women revitalizes me in a way that little else does.  These women knew me way back when, they knew my dreams, they knew my heart.  These women knew me when I didn't know myself and they loved me. These women know the person I have become and they love me now.

Each year I go to the Michigan State University alumni football game with three dear friends of my heart.  We reflect, we reminisce, we catch up.  Throughout that day we are able to share things that we cannot share with others because there is an innocence and familiarity and trust in these friendships.  What a gift.  And no matter what the outcome of my beloved Spartans during the game, I can't help but to feel when I am going home that I have won.

It is important to have this time together for the sweet reminder of the beauty of our young years together. And, for just a few moments, we can once again let down all those walls and barriers and just revel in the innocence and purity of these friendships with which we have been blessed.  And maybe, just maybe, with that yearly reminder of how beautiful that innocence truly is, I will allow it to flow into my grown up life and relationships.  What do you think?  Will you join me just for a moment?

Not exactly the best video, but the song suits this blog.  For Just a Moment (from St. Elmo's Fire) by David Foster:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWIMWWnkdos

Snapshots in Time

Snapshots in Time.

"I love pictures, because the best thing about them is that they never change...even when the people in them do."

A friend had this posted on Facebook and the quote had my mind drifting to all kinds of places.

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of my children.  When I look at pictures of them as infants and toddlers I am transported back to that time.  Even though the children continue to grow up and change, those moments are forever captured.  Time stands still and I can go back there whenever I would like to stroll down memory lane. I love photos of my children. They remind me of the gift and wonder of being a mom.

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of my siblings.  Growing up as the youngest of eight filled life with many challenges and blessings.  Memories of my youth are filled with laughter.  As we have grown and started families of our own and had life experiences away from each other, our relationships have transitioned.  Some bonds have grown stronger and some have become strained.  I love photos of my youth.  They remind me of the sweet family connections we had during a simpler time.

 

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of those snapshots that live only in my mind.  One particular picture in my mind is of my husband when he was roughhousing outside with the kids in the snow. The smiles. The laughter. The moment. The sheer exuberance on the faces of my husband and my children is frozen in my mind in the best possible way. There are only a handful of these gem snapshots that I can see only when I close my eyes. I love these photos of my reflections.  They remind me of those precious moments that are seared into my memory in a way little else is.

 

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of slideshows.  I started playing around with creating slideshows from photographs in the early 2000s.  For my parent's 50th wedding anniversary in 2004, I created my first full slideshow.  Stitching together photo after photo tells a story - of a person, of a family, of a life. I love the photos in a slideshow. They remind me that life is made up of moments and that together they can tell a beautiful tale.

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of photography.  How I see things through the lens of the camera.  What I learn from what other people see through their lenses.  Is it the close up of a face, someone laughing, someone crying?  Is it a moment when a wife and husband become a mom and dad?  Is it love? Is it a child smiling for the first time?  What does the person see who is taking the picture and what does the person see who is looking at the picture? I love photography.  It reminds me how we all view things differently depending on how we look at something and how we see it.

Snapshots in Time.

I do love pictures. I love what they can capture. I love how a picture can speak volumes to you although it cannot say anything at all.  Pictures evoke feelings and for that I am eternally grateful. I look at photographs and feel sadness at what has been lost.  I feel joy at what has been.  I feel hope at what can be.  I feel blessed at what is.  Pictures are fabulous gifts to us. Keep snapping.  Keep smiling.  As Paul Anka so apply sings, "These Are The Times of Your Life." Embrace them. Live them. Remember them.


Paul Anka:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCnlU-92sn4
 

You Have the Right to Remain Silent...

Anything you say can be used against you...

I was thinking about this phrase today. Not because I am thinking I may be arrested or that I have been arrested.  Nope. I was thinking about how sometimes I need to be careful of what I say to some people.  Some of the most innocent phrases or discussions end up being "used against you."  Do any of you deal with this as well?

You have the right to remain silent...

Choose your words carefully.  I've gotten much quieter as I've aged. I try to think about the words I'm going to say.  Why am I going to say it?  What good will it do?  Will it be a benefit?  Will it have a negative impact?  Since I've never been great at small talk this can be even a little more crippling for me in a group of people.  Of course, I don't always do the best job and something wrong comes on out.  Sometimes I may even say all the best things.  Either way, it is important to remember that anything I say can be used against me.  Do any of you struggle with this as well?

You have the right to remain silent...

But sometimes you have to speak.  Silence can be perceived as agreement.  Depending on the discussion, to be silent speaks more loudly than words.  This can be a real challenge when those around me have an opinion that is different from my own.  I have found through the years that I need to speak God's truth and share my opinions even when they differ from other people's opinions - especially when they differ from other people's opinions! Again, I try to be responsible with my words, speak with love, and be respectful of what people believe.  Even so, I have found that anything can be used against me.  Have any of you dealt with this as well?

You have the right to remain silent...

Then there are times when I want to speak - I want to defend - I want to explain.  I've had people comment on my marriage, on my being a stay at home mom, on wasting my college degree, on where I live, on what I do with my spare time, on my spirituality... this list goes on and on and on.  When this occurs I find myself wanting to defend my decisions, come back with a rally cry of the sacrifices I've made, scream about what I've done with my life and what I hope to do still.  However, when I'm at my best, I just sit back and breathe and pray and try to let it go.  These things are best handled with as much humility as I can muster.  I hope to get support and love from my circle of family and friends.  However, if I don't get that support it is important for me to remember that I wasn't made for this world. When I die, I will have to answer to God for the decisions I've made while on this earth. And although I do the best I can in these situations, I still find that anything I say can be used against me.  Have you ever felt confronted with these situations?

You have the right to remain silent...

There is an art to knowing when to speak, what to say, how much to say, or when to exercise that wonderful right to remain silent.  It is something I will probably struggle with throughout life.  And whether I do everything right or not when it comes to my words, anything I say can be used against me.  Makes me wonder... what do you do to help you determine when to be silent and when to speak?

"A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse one crushes the spirit." 
Proverbs 15:4

Disconnect

Facebook. Email. Texting. Cell phones.  We have the capabilities of being more connected than ever before.  We can speak to someone miles away, even overseas, in real time - and for free!  Then why is it that I feel more disconnected than I did growing up and going to college? 
 
Growing up we would spend much of our days outside. We would go down to our neighbors, stand outside their door, and call them out in a sing-song voice. We rode our bikes to people's houses.  We would sit and visit with a neighbor on her front porch glider.  Our neighbors talked to us.  We talked to them.  We knew each other and cared about each other.
 
Over the 15 years we have lived here, we know only a handful of neighbors.  Being one of the only stay at home moms, the neighborhood is very quiet during the day.  While sitting on our porch or patio, few people are out and about.  Most people will drive right by without so much as a nod or a wave.
 
I remember racing my siblings to the answer the ringing telephone.  There wasn't any call waiting or caller id.  We had a telephone in the kitchen with a super long cord.  Now the telephone rings and no one moves.  The kids have cell phones (except for our youngest), so they know the phone isn't for them.  And, more often than not, it is some kind of telemarketer on the phone rather than a friend or family member.  Few feel the need to call and catch up one on one anymore, especially when they feel "caught up" via Facebook posts and statuses.
 
Common pleasantries among strangers.  I miss that.  I do.  The simple smiles. The "hellos."  The "how are you doing today?"  The "can I give you a hand with that?"  Yep. I miss that.  I really do.  I will be in line and hear someone say "hello" only to look up to hear them continue to chat away with the unseen person talking in their ear.  People look through the clerks ringing them up and look passed the people near them because they are more interested in... what?  We don't see each other anymore.  That makes me a little sad.
 
In college when signing up for classes we went to the IM (intermural) building and waited in line after line after line.  If you needed to change a class you went into "The Pit" and you hoped to get out of there in time to still see the light of day.  You would talk to people in line around you and commiserate with those in longer lines than you or caught in The Pit seeking and searching for classes that would work for them.  Now all class registrations are done online.  No lines. No talking.  No commiserating.  No contact.  More efficient?  Yes, I will give you that.  But I don't know if what is being lost is worth it.
 
Am I grateful that my college daughter can shoot me a text or Skype with me so that I can keep up with what she is doing and see her sweet face?  Absolutely.  In fact, it has been a wonderful blessing.  Am I grateful to be able to see what relatives who live far away are doing?  Absolutely.  I love seeing pictures and not feeling like they are so very far away.  Am I grateful to have email to ask a question or find out about something that is going on?  You betcha.  However, email will never trump a hand written letter delivered snail mail!
 
I'm certainly not anti-technology and I feel that in many instances what I can do with the Internet and my cell phone are things that really can help me out in so many ways.  So maybe some of you wonderful people can explain to me why in this world filled with more and more ways to keep us connected I often feel more disconnected than ever before?

 
"The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world.  There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor.  But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents.  Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give.  Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around.  It's overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt."  -- Leo Buscaglia

Many Parts, One Body

One of the scripture readings that I love has to do with how we are all parts of one body.  "As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ." (1 Corinthians 12:12) It goes on to say that "If [one] part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy." (1 Corinthians 12:26)

This has always been one of my favorite passages upon which to reflect. We, the church members, make up the body of Christ.  As the body, we are at our best when the entire body is healthy.  Although some scripture can be a bit difficult to put into context, this seemed to be a fairly easy one.  To put this in perspective I only needed to think about when I was sick and unable to do all I needed to do.  Or I could think about if I had hurt my hand or foot how I needed to compensate in order to get things done.  Could I be productive?  Could I change the way I did things in order to carry on? Yes. I could. Was it as good as when I was completely healthy and on top of my game?  Never.  So, I could take such experiences and apply it to this scripture.

As the body of Christ, we are at our best when we are all spiritually healthy and well.  When one of us is ill, it effects the entire body.  We may be able to compensate and carry on. However, we are at our very best and the way that God intended when we are all healthy and working together.  So, just as we would nurse ourselves back to health, we should also care for each other spiritually and physically so that we all are healthy.

This always seemed like one of the relatively easy scripture passages to wrap my brain around.  Maybe not always easy to put into practice, but one I thought that was easily understandable.  Until the other night, that is, when I realized it was so much more. 

The other night I was thinking about my mom's stroke and what has transformed since then.  She has changed.  My dad has changed.  My siblings have changed.  I have changed.  Relationships have changed.  Communication has changed.  Expectations have changed.  So much has changed.  And as I sat in bed journaling about all of these changes this scripture passage drifted into my mind... if one suffers, we all suffer with him.

I thought about how so many dynamics in my family have changed since this one event.  Some changes for the better, some not. It was so clear to me at that moment how a "body" - in this instance a family - was effected due to what one member was going through.  Because, you see, it isn't ever one person who goes through something.  All those who know and love the person are also effected by it.  "If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy."

This truth permeated me that evening and I was able to internalize this scripture in an entirely new way, or maybe I should say deeper way.  We are all part of this wonderful and marvelous body of Christ.  We are all connected.  Until we realize how intrinsically united we are with one another, until we realize how much we need one another, and until we realize that we were created to be many, but yet still be one, we won't ever really be whole.

A Place in this World

Growing up I was a member of one (1) parish community. Granted, as a Catholic, we are a universal community of believers. One of the things that I love is attending Mass when we are on vacation. We are not at our "home" parish, but we are always at home with our Catholic community in the world. However, within our beautiful, universal Church there are many parishes and you usually call one your home parish. And I belonged to one parish from the time I was born until the time I went away to college.

This church truly felt like home to me. I knew its stained glass windows and would get lost in their beauty. I knew its tabernacle with the beautiful candles hanging above it.  I knew its fabulous crucifix that drew me into times of great contemplation. I knew the people who I went to school with and the people I worshiped with. I knew its warmth. It was a beautiful, quiet, inviting place. When I was there, I always felt that I was at home. Often, even in my youth, I would go there by myself, immerse myself in the cool darkness of the building and just be, just be with myself and with God. It was a wonderful and welcoming place in this world for me.

When my husband and I moved to our current city 15 years ago we were looking for longevity. We searched for a home that would grow with our growing family. We sought out a great school district.  We looked for a place in this world where we could plant ourselves and, hopefully, allow our roots to grow deep and strong.

Since living here, my family has been members of three different churches and now we will be looking for our fourth. The little parish we currently belong to is in the process of being clustered with another parish and will close in the near future. Where do we belong? Where is our place in this world?

Each time we have moved I find myself feeling a little lost. This is not what I had hoped for my family when we moved. I wanted my children to grow up and feel that sense of belonging, feel that sense of home within one parish community. I wanted to feel that for myself as well. However, that wasn't the path that God had in mind for us apparently.

As I mentioned earlier, the Catholic Church is a universal church.  God is there.  Jesus is there.  The Mass is the Mass.  I am so grateful for that. I know that and realize that my family can be members at any Catholic parish and we will be home.

There is something very special, dare I say sacred, about the people and community within a parish.  We are called a parish family.  And each parish community, like a family, has a different way of being together and engaging one another. We come together.  We pray.  We worship.  We sing.  We laugh.  We cry.  It is a beautiful thing to see the connections within a parish family.  A thriving parish is like a stained glass window with the sunlight pouring through it.  The beauty engages your mind and eye as you look at the images and colors and then emanates far beyond the window itself and you see colors dancing on the walls and pews and floor. That is the people in a parish, we make up that window and it is our individual colors that come together to make such a beautiful image of our faith.

Each parish has taught me something about myself, my faith, my family, our God.  At each church I have met some wonderful and engaging people and made some dear friends.  Each church has opened my eyes to different things about my faith - what we believe as Catholics and why we believe it.  Although I have had these beautiful lessons there have been some difficult ones as well.  Through it all, I still find myself struggling to find that place in this world where we can just be, just be as I was in my childhood parish.

Throughout our lives God will prune us in order to get rid of what is dead and to help us to thrive and bear more fruit.  It can be a painful process. It is not one that I particularly enjoy.  However, it is a necessary one to grow and flourish.

Generally, I don't just jump right into new situations.  Because of this, each parish change has been difficult as I have had to slowly immerse myself in a new community, try to find my place in a new family.  So many times in life I find myself struggling to discover where I fit. This is another one of those times. Where do I belong?  Where is my place in this world? I'm not sure yet where we will be, but I trust that we will end up right where He wants us for this time in our lives.


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; in all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3:5-6

Michael W. Smith - A Place in this World:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpXMnY_t03M

...Revolution

Revolution. I am occasionally in the rather uncomfortable state of revolution.

In my last post I said that I was in a constant state of evolution. That is true.  And it is that very thing which causes me to be in a state of revolution from time to time. There are times when I or someone else want to overthrow a habit or belief that I have. The ensuing battles make my very uncomfortable!

What happens when someone questions something you have done or said?  Maybe it was a friend or family member talking with you or maybe you heard something in a homily or talk that made you stop in your tracks and say, "What? Are they talking about me? Do I really do that?"

What happens when someone changes and reacts or lives or responds in a way that is different from your presumptions?  Maybe it is something small and you just let it slip on by or maybe it is something bigger that makes your mind stop and say, "What? What just happened? Did they really do that?" 

It is at these times in our lives that revolution occurs.  Has it happened to you before?  Maybe you have been on the receiving end or maybe you have been on the giving end.  Maybe a revolution was warranted or maybe it was a battle that needed to be walked away from. Maybe the revolution was trying to challenge you and lead you on a better path or maybe it was attempting to draw you away from the path God intends for you to follow.

People have certain expectations of you just as you have certain expectations of others.  The closer you are to someone, the more you can predict what they will say or do, how they will react or feel in a given situation.  What happens, however, when someone doesn't respond as you expect?  What happens when someone has a strong opinion which differs from your own?  Have you ever needed to hold to a conviction?  Have you had to make an unpopular stand?  Does this cause a revolution? Will it be long lasting? Will the relationship be severed, will it be cracked, or will common ground be reached?  These, by far, are the most difficult revolutions for me.

On another note, many times in your life a revolution is taking place and no one even knows about it because it is happening within you.  Sometimes you feel that little nudge from your conscience requesting attention.  Sometimes you feel that twist in your stomach that calls for consideration. These things may occur for various reasons. Maybe you have said or done something yourself in a manner you shouldn't have or maybe you are making a life choice that is taking you away from God or maybe you witnessed an incident and remained silent when you should have spoken up or maybe it is one of the hundreds of other things you must grapple with throughout your lifetime.  What happens when you address these promptings within your heart?  For me, at this point either a mini revolution will occur or a massive drawn out war will take place.  I know that at times I have lost the battle and continued to do what I shouldn't and other times I have come out victorious.

A sudden, complete, or marked change in something is revolution. That can be a good thing if you are battling to better yourself and inspire others to do the same. Seek answers. Engage in discussion. Fight for the right. Reflect thoughtfully. Share your beliefs. Do all of this with love. 

I still have a long way to go on my journey and many more revolutions await me. I hope that I always remember that my battles are not with other people or even myself, per se, but that these battles are opportunities for me to grow in my faith. And although we may feel alone on our journey, like a soldier on the battlefield we are not alone. God has given us each other so that we may lift, support, encourage, help, listen to, and even challenge one another.

Thank you to those who help me every day. Because of your caring, I am able to endure the discomfort of the revolutions I face and am able to rejoice in the tranquility of the peaceful times. I hope I do the same for you.



Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4