Who Knew At This Moment

I don't claim to be a poet or a writer, but I do like to put pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard) from time to time.  Today I celebrate the beautiful day 22 years ago when I became a wife. Here is my reflection on our life together so far...

He walked across the room

And my heart began to pound
Who knew at that moment
He would always be around

Then when we were dating

He leaned in for a kiss
Who knew at that moment
That life was such pure bliss

He took my hand at dinner
And slid on it a ring
Who knew at that moment
How sweet a heart can sing


Then when we were married
Our life as “one” began
Who knew at that moment
That life could be so grand

Then we had a baby girl

A blessing from above
Who knew at that moment
A heart could hold such love

A boy came not too far along

And then another girl
Who knew at that moment
These kids would be our world

These moments turned to hours

Then days, then weeks, then years
Who knew all these moments
Would make a masterpiece

 

 

 

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”  Mark 10:9

Beads

As long as I can remember, those beads were never far from her hands.

My mom, the youngest of 8 children raised by a single mom, was given my Nana's rosary when she passed away early in the 70's.  Since then, that rosary has never been far from my momma's hands.

A simple rosary.  Made of glass beads and chain and a crucifix and a medal.  Things.  A simple rosary.  Yet part of her.  And part of her mother. 

As long as I can remember, that is the rosary my mom would use to pray the beautiful prayer where the Mother of God, our Mother Mary, points us to her son and inspires us to reflect on Jesus' life.  Everything in the rosary and everything about Mary always leads us to her son.  That is her role, and she still does that for us earthly children today.

As long as I can remember, my mom has received other rosaries. Some beautiful and exquisite and some plain and ordinary.  Yet the one that she always went back to and the one that she treasured was her mom's rosary. 

As long as I can remember, there have been times when the beads were missing.  What happened?  Where were they?  When were they last seen?  After searching ourselves, we would pray to St. Anthony and ask for his intercession and he always pulled through for us.

I've walked into my mom's room as a child and now as an adult and found her sleeping with the beads either loose in her hand or resting next to her.  She often would fall asleep while touching these beads and praying - bringing joys, thoughts, concerns, worries, blessings, thanksgivings, sadness to her God.  As long as I can remember, the beads would be in her pocket or next to her on the sofa or on the table right by her bed.

When my mom had her stroke, from the moment we went to the hospital not even knowing yet what was wrong, she held those beads.  She would awake from a rest and her hands would move and she would search for those beads.  They would be in her hands until she needed to have a test when she would pass them to myself or my sister or my dad, knowing that as soon as she was done that she would have them back.  She would stir in her sleep and her hands would start to skim the sheets. "Here is your rosary, Mom."  Her fingers would close around the beads and a bit of peace would be restored.

As long as I can remember, those beads have spoken.  They've spoken of comfort and strength.  They've spoken of perseverance in prayer.  They've spoken of pain and sorrow.  They've spoken of trust.  They've spoken of a mother's connection to her children.  They've spoken of a child's connection to her momma.  They've spoken of where you turn in happiness and where you turn in sadness. 

Since her stroke, she has misplaced the beads a little more often.  There were a couple of times that we thought they might be gone for good.  Yet, by God's grace, they have always been found.

So last night when I went to my parent's home I was surprised when my mom handed me a note and a small pouch. The note began in my mom's writing, continued in my dad's, and ended with my mom's signature:

To my youngest child,
I did want to give this to my youngest child. Aunt D gave this to me when Nana died and since I was the youngest, I wanted my youngest to receive it...So here's to my beautiful daughter who I love very much. Enjoy using this rosary as much as I have.
God Bless,
Mom

As long as I can remember, those beads have been an extension of my mom and now she has entrusted them to me.  A mom guides her children, she points the way, she shines a light, and prays that her children will not go astray.  A mom sets an example and fills a home with love. 

Today I look down at my own hands, so very much like my momma's.  I look at my hands and see the beads of my Nana, the beads of my mom, gently resting in my palm.  I feel the love of these woman and pray that these unworthy hands, holding these precious beads, can set even a bit of the example of motherhood and love of God that my momma has taught and continues to instill in me today.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:25-31

 

Caricature

Wondering when it is okay to make jokes at a someone else's expense.  Is it ever ok?  I really want to know.

Someone posted on Facebook today concerning their disappointment that school was called off once again for tomorrow.  Understandable post as many people have mixed feelings about whether school should be cancelled or not.  The post generated many comments on both sides of the debate.  It was interesting to read the comments to see where people were coming from and what their thoughts were on the topic.

And then I read this:  "I started home schooling (his child's name) yesterday, already her hair and hemline are longer, neckline higher, she wishes she had 18 brothers and sisters and is hoping (his wife) becomes pregnant some time real soon, gosh darn it". 

When I read it my heart started pounding.  I get it. OK?  I get it.  He was trying to be funny.  Would I have thought this was funny at some point in my life?  Maybe.  I certainly may have.  Did I think it was funny today?  No.  In fact, it kind of bothered me.

So, what should I have done?  What would you have done?  Should I have said something or should I have just left it alone?  I don't know this gentleman at all.  I am an acquaintance with the gal who made the first post, but we don't really have many mutual friends.  So, what should I have done?

I'll tell you what I did.  I said a little prayer, took a deep breath and typed, "(his name) - wondering if you personally know any homeschooling families. I have the privilege of personally knowing many families who beautifully, creatively, and intelligently homeschool their children. I'm guessing you were trying to be funny, but that is a real mischaracterization of the majority of families who homeschool their children."

He didn't answer my query, but just replied to say that yes, he was trying to be funny.  Then someone else replied that he was.

I thought about replying again, said another little prayer, and decided that I had said enough.  I tried to plant a seed.  Maybe someone will read that and rethink making a generalization about a group of people.

It made me start to wonder if he had made a comment like that making a caricature of a family dealing with autism, depression, cancer, mental illness, speech impediments, etc. if it would have gone over so well.  Would so many people "like" a comment like that?  Would it be deemed inappropriate?  Why does it seem as though certain topics are ok to poke fun at and others are off-limits?

As a teenager I remember watching a video with my family, "Bill Cosby:  Himself."  He poked fun and exaggerated a lot of things about his family and himself.  His marriage.  His children.  Getting a cavity filled at the dentist.  Fatherhood.  He's having fun with things that he knows; things that he lives.  To me, this is a very different kind of humor than poking fun or exaggerating something of which you know very little.

Our world is filled with so many people who have made different choices from us.  We certainly aren't going to agree with what everyone has decided for themselves.  How would the world be different, though, if we tried to get to know why people made the choices they have made?  How might we speak differently if we tried to understand people even if we don't agree with what they are doing? 

Something to think about.  Or maybe not.  I'm still learning.  I'm still changing and figuring things out.  What do you think?  Do you know the right answer in this scenario?

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."  Ephesians 4:29

Hate the sin. Love the sinner.

This blog is NOT about those who are on the far ends of the spectrum when it comes to their beliefs and demonstrate their beliefs in harsh, severe, and crippling ways.  We all know people like that.

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner. 

That's it.  Seems simple, doesn't it?  Actually, it is anything but simple.

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner. 

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner.  This does not mean keep silent.  

Phil Robertson, from "Duck Dynasty" spoke out in an article about his beliefs on sin and quoted part of the Bible.  Because of what he said, the network his show is on decided to suspend him indefinitely from filming.  His beliefs on sin, although maybe not eloquently worded or fully explaining teachings in a clear manner, are his beliefs and are shared by many.  He also went on to speak about how he tries to live.  "My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner.

That is what Phil Robertson tries to do.  That is what I try to do.  This does not mean keep silent.

There are all kinds of things in life that we speak out on, because it would cause harm to someone if we did not.  Simple examples have to do with children:  touching a hot stove, running out into the street.  Kiddos want to do so many things and have no idea the repercussions of their actions.  It is our job to try to teach these little ones and keep them on a safe path. 

I submit that it is the same, or should be the same, with adults.  Although, I readily admit that the water gets murkier with adults.  People want to be happy.  People want those they love to be happy.  People want to be tolerant.  People don't want to be judged.  People don't want their choices questioned. 

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner.

So it gets tricky.  We need to speak from a place of love.  We need to try to meet people where they are, plant those little mustard seeds, and pray that they take root. 

 

 

Hate the sin.  Love the sinner.

That's it.  Seems simple, doesn't it?  Actually, it is anything but simple.  However, it is what we are called to do and so it is worth striving for.


"My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted. "  Galatians 6:1

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

College Reminiscings

Each year I go to the Michigan State University homecoming football game.  It is a day I look forward to with great anticipation.  Three friends and I meet in the morning, we enjoy some tailgating, watch the game, and often spend the night.  Two of my friends are ones with whom I attended college.  Because we are spread out across the state, this is an opportunity for us to catch up on our lives and we truly delight in our time together.  Personally, I also glory in my time back on that beautiful campus that is so beloved to my heart.

This year, more than any other, on the drive home I found myself thinking of the why.  Why do I love that campus so much?  Why after 20 plus years does the sight of Hubbard Hall as I drive down Hagadorn Road still make my heart rate increase?  Why do the sights and sounds of the campus still make me feel such love? I feel love on that campus.

This year, more than any other, on the drive home I found myself thinking of the what.  What is it about being here and the memory of my time on this campus that fills me with such joy?  What is it about walking along the Red Cedar River that fills my heart with such peace?  I'm home.  Part of me will always feel at home there.

Five magical years were spent on that campus. Yes. Magical.  They were magical and special and like no other years before or after.  I grew up on that campus.  I floundered on that campus.  I stumbled on that campus -- literally and figuratively.  I began to discover who I was on that campus.

As I drove home this year, I found myself reflecting in a new way about my time as a student at MSU, the relationships that formed, and the experiences that I had. What made these years so special?  What made them so magical?  What made these friendships last through the years when we often don't see each other but that one time each year?  The answer I came up with may surprise you.  Or maybe it won't.  I don't know.  Maybe you can share your own thoughts with me later...

Anyway, my answer is innocence.  We shared deeply and we loved deeply.  How many evenings turned into mornings as we talked and talked and talked?  We shared the dreams and sorrows of our hearts.  We loved to the core of our beings.  Our crushes lifted us to the highest of heights and our heartbreaks fully shattered our young hearts.  There was an innocence and beauty to this time in our lives that, I believe, we get to capture just a little bit for one day each year when we get together for that football game.

As we got older and learned more and had gained further life experience, our perspectives changed, our responsibilities changed, and some of our innocence was stripped away by the harshness of life. And that is precisely why this day with these women revitalizes me in a way that little else does.  These women knew me way back when, they knew my dreams, they knew my heart.  These women knew me when I didn't know myself and they loved me. These women know the person I have become and they love me now.

Each year I go to the Michigan State University alumni football game with three dear friends of my heart.  We reflect, we reminisce, we catch up.  Throughout that day we are able to share things that we cannot share with others because there is an innocence and familiarity and trust in these friendships.  What a gift.  And no matter what the outcome of my beloved Spartans during the game, I can't help but to feel when I am going home that I have won.

It is important to have this time together for the sweet reminder of the beauty of our young years together. And, for just a few moments, we can once again let down all those walls and barriers and just revel in the innocence and purity of these friendships with which we have been blessed.  And maybe, just maybe, with that yearly reminder of how beautiful that innocence truly is, I will allow it to flow into my grown up life and relationships.  What do you think?  Will you join me just for a moment?

Not exactly the best video, but the song suits this blog.  For Just a Moment (from St. Elmo's Fire) by David Foster:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWIMWWnkdos

Snapshots in Time

Snapshots in Time.

"I love pictures, because the best thing about them is that they never change...even when the people in them do."

A friend had this posted on Facebook and the quote had my mind drifting to all kinds of places.

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of my children.  When I look at pictures of them as infants and toddlers I am transported back to that time.  Even though the children continue to grow up and change, those moments are forever captured.  Time stands still and I can go back there whenever I would like to stroll down memory lane. I love photos of my children. They remind me of the gift and wonder of being a mom.

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of my siblings.  Growing up as the youngest of eight filled life with many challenges and blessings.  Memories of my youth are filled with laughter.  As we have grown and started families of our own and had life experiences away from each other, our relationships have transitioned.  Some bonds have grown stronger and some have become strained.  I love photos of my youth.  They remind me of the sweet family connections we had during a simpler time.

 

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of those snapshots that live only in my mind.  One particular picture in my mind is of my husband when he was roughhousing outside with the kids in the snow. The smiles. The laughter. The moment. The sheer exuberance on the faces of my husband and my children is frozen in my mind in the best possible way. There are only a handful of these gem snapshots that I can see only when I close my eyes. I love these photos of my reflections.  They remind me of those precious moments that are seared into my memory in a way little else is.

 

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of slideshows.  I started playing around with creating slideshows from photographs in the early 2000s.  For my parent's 50th wedding anniversary in 2004, I created my first full slideshow.  Stitching together photo after photo tells a story - of a person, of a family, of a life. I love the photos in a slideshow. They remind me that life is made up of moments and that together they can tell a beautiful tale.

Snapshots in Time.

I thought of photography.  How I see things through the lens of the camera.  What I learn from what other people see through their lenses.  Is it the close up of a face, someone laughing, someone crying?  Is it a moment when a wife and husband become a mom and dad?  Is it love? Is it a child smiling for the first time?  What does the person see who is taking the picture and what does the person see who is looking at the picture? I love photography.  It reminds me how we all view things differently depending on how we look at something and how we see it.

Snapshots in Time.

I do love pictures. I love what they can capture. I love how a picture can speak volumes to you although it cannot say anything at all.  Pictures evoke feelings and for that I am eternally grateful. I look at photographs and feel sadness at what has been lost.  I feel joy at what has been.  I feel hope at what can be.  I feel blessed at what is.  Pictures are fabulous gifts to us. Keep snapping.  Keep smiling.  As Paul Anka so apply sings, "These Are The Times of Your Life." Embrace them. Live them. Remember them.


Paul Anka:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCnlU-92sn4
 

You Have the Right to Remain Silent...

Anything you say can be used against you...

I was thinking about this phrase today. Not because I am thinking I may be arrested or that I have been arrested.  Nope. I was thinking about how sometimes I need to be careful of what I say to some people.  Some of the most innocent phrases or discussions end up being "used against you."  Do any of you deal with this as well?

You have the right to remain silent...

Choose your words carefully.  I've gotten much quieter as I've aged. I try to think about the words I'm going to say.  Why am I going to say it?  What good will it do?  Will it be a benefit?  Will it have a negative impact?  Since I've never been great at small talk this can be even a little more crippling for me in a group of people.  Of course, I don't always do the best job and something wrong comes on out.  Sometimes I may even say all the best things.  Either way, it is important to remember that anything I say can be used against me.  Do any of you struggle with this as well?

You have the right to remain silent...

But sometimes you have to speak.  Silence can be perceived as agreement.  Depending on the discussion, to be silent speaks more loudly than words.  This can be a real challenge when those around me have an opinion that is different from my own.  I have found through the years that I need to speak God's truth and share my opinions even when they differ from other people's opinions - especially when they differ from other people's opinions! Again, I try to be responsible with my words, speak with love, and be respectful of what people believe.  Even so, I have found that anything can be used against me.  Have any of you dealt with this as well?

You have the right to remain silent...

Then there are times when I want to speak - I want to defend - I want to explain.  I've had people comment on my marriage, on my being a stay at home mom, on wasting my college degree, on where I live, on what I do with my spare time, on my spirituality... this list goes on and on and on.  When this occurs I find myself wanting to defend my decisions, come back with a rally cry of the sacrifices I've made, scream about what I've done with my life and what I hope to do still.  However, when I'm at my best, I just sit back and breathe and pray and try to let it go.  These things are best handled with as much humility as I can muster.  I hope to get support and love from my circle of family and friends.  However, if I don't get that support it is important for me to remember that I wasn't made for this world. When I die, I will have to answer to God for the decisions I've made while on this earth. And although I do the best I can in these situations, I still find that anything I say can be used against me.  Have you ever felt confronted with these situations?

You have the right to remain silent...

There is an art to knowing when to speak, what to say, how much to say, or when to exercise that wonderful right to remain silent.  It is something I will probably struggle with throughout life.  And whether I do everything right or not when it comes to my words, anything I say can be used against me.  Makes me wonder... what do you do to help you determine when to be silent and when to speak?

"A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse one crushes the spirit." 
Proverbs 15:4